I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
