I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
