i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
bring money and cleavage
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
