My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
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