either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
