still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
