I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
