White coat. Heels.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
