i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
