If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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