This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
