Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
