Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
