That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
