i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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