Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
