One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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