I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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