so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
