we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
