elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
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