So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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