Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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