I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
