So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
