yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
