In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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