I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
