Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
