Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The struggles of a small town man whore
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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