my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
