He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Text me some of your sweat
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
