I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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