Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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