He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
