Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
