I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Bring me that man meat
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
