i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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