Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
