ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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