Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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