I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
