Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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