i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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