Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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