I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
