just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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