where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
