I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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