I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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