my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
