Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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