I didn't shave. On purpose
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
