I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
