based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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