he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
