it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
