We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
