that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
