is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
