I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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