Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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