they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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