batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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