I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
