so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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